Sunshine and Darkness. #Life

 This picture above was taken on my first Mother's Day as a mom, May 2010.  I see the smiling face 
and know it is hiding many fears and inner battles, but the joy
of holding my sweet girl was real.
I know this should have been a Mother's Day post, but life is not always as easily planned out as we like. I'm busy as a full time teacher, Mom, wife, volunteer, and member of my local church community.  Being separated from my Mom and grandmother on Mother's Day weighs heavy on my heart and I have a hard time being joyful. I don't need condolences, they are alive, but living many kilometers away on the other side of the country.  It's been this way for 20 years and never gets easier. Each holiday brings me sadness and depression, so much so, that it's taken me two weeks to write this post (or any blog post at all).  I did send tokens of appreciation to mark the occasion, but nothing truly replaces or fills the day to day absence of physical contact.

This long distance family situation has taught me that our loved ones are precious, even if we don't always agree or see each other as much as we want.  I know people who live in the same city as their mother yet continue to choose estrangement because the relationship is strained. Guess what? Relationships are hard. Parenting is hard. Finding your way in the Adult/Child mine field can be hard. Dig in and make it work.

I look at my girl, now almost six, and hope that the teen and adult years will not pull her too far away from my orbit. I was an independant child, teen, and adult who went as far away as money and resources would allow 20 years ago. I settled in Ontario and lived care-free until I had my girl.  She brought tremendous joy but her sunshine cast a spotlight on the empty places that I wish my family could fill.

Have you had to cope with long distance relationships?


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